HOW I SUNDAY

 

issue 12

Ted & Wyatt

 

Dogs photoshopped.jpg
 
 

 

In honor of Dog Appreciation Day (yep, it’s a thing and it’s today), who better to chat and chew with than Ted and Wyatt, the official Sunday Fur-ever mascots (fur-give me but we cannot resist a pun). Some dogs terrorize postal workers, some sniff every crotch in a snouts distance and others are angelic companions and helpers. As Mr. Rogers famously said, always look for the helpers and we present to you our tiniest (but hairiest) helpers: Ted and Wyatt (in truth, Wyatt is more of a supervisor but...semantics).

***

THE SUNDAY ISSUE (TSI): “Ted! Wyatt! Thanks for taking time out of your busy schedules to talk about your Sundays with us.”

TED: (unfolds a stack of papers) “I’ve prepared for this. I read the other ones and I think — ”

WYATT: “I’m already boooored. When’s second lunch?”

TSI: "Ted, why don’t you tell me how you feel about Sundays?”

WYATT: “What day is Sunday? Is that when it’s sunny?”

TED: “Excuse me, pardon me for interrupting but we absolutely adore Sundays - it’s our favorite day of the week!

 Image: @ashlistockton via Instagram

Image: @ashlistockton via Instagram

WYATT: “Wuz yesterday Sunday?”

TED: “Today, Wyatt. Today is Sunday. This is the day - right now. That’s why we’re here talking, well, barking about Sundays.

TSI: “Okay, I feel a little tension and see a lot of tongues. Let’s take a deep breath and just focus. Sound good?”

TED: “Check.”

TSI: “Why don’t we light a candle. Ted, can you do the honors? Wyatt, while Ted is doing that why don’t you tell me how you kick off your Sundays?”

WYATT: “Ok, I’ll pretend today is Sunday.”

TED: “FOR THE LAST TIME; TODAY IS SUNDAY!”

WYATT: “Good, because I like Sundays. Sundays and me go together like wet dog food and dry dog food. Like fire hydrants and a lifted leg.

 TED: “Honestly, this may be the worst idea ever.”

WYATT: “C’mon - lighten’ up, Ted. I like Sundays because I get to spend quality time with Mom and Dad. They get up and make coffee (gross - I tried it once - woof, woof) and while they’re in the kitchen, I crawl under their covers and curl up in Mom’s kimono.”

TED: “He does! He really does! It’s big on him, though. Sunday Forever needs to make smaller sizes or Canine Kimonos™!!!”

WYATT: “Uh - yes. Candy that prissy poodle down at Stuyvesant Square Park would go bah-zerkers if she saw me in one.”

TED: “It’s entirely possible.”

WYATT: “Continuing...once I’m in my kimono and lounging in bed, Mom puts Ted back up and joins me. We cuddle and he cleans my eyes with his tongu —”

TED: “WYATT!!! I SWEAR TO DOG! You said that would be our secret! Cut that, please? You can’t put that in the article!! Everyone else talks about smoothies and brunches and organic food and cleanses and you’re going to tell the world I like eye boogers?!"

TSI: “Guys, let’s just calm down. We appreciate individuality and authenticity - no judgements. Side note - does anyone smell something?”

WYATT: “I may have, uh, peed a little....”

TED: “Can’t take him anywhere, Mom says. Here - use some Sunday Forever Detox Mist.”

WYATT: “Mom *literally*  takes us all places. And the pee - it’s your fault. You scared it right out of me.”

 
 
 
 

TSI:  “Ted, tell me about your Sundays.”

TED: “Most certainly! I wake up very early - the early dog gets the worm, they say! I wake up Dad or Mom and politely request a drink of water. Then I do a few downward dogs, get my Ropey (Editor’s Note: Ted’s toy rope) and asked to get played with and picked up and put back in bed.”

WYATT: “Then more eye licking.”

TED: “Negative. I play with my Ropey alone because, unlike Wyatt, I am not needy and know how to entertain myself.”

WYATT: “Needy and proud of it.”

TSI: “After what sounds like a lovely Sunday morning lie-in, what do you do when you get up?”

WYATT: “I get my brekkie-dinnie.”

TSI: “What?”

WYATT: “Grub. Organic bison and blueberries mixed with some various dog friendly spices.”

TED: “Don’t forget our probiotics. Mom and Dad makes sure our gut health is alive and well. She’s the best!”

WYATT: “Oh, and sometimes I eat Ted’s food. Maybe don’t write that down. If Mom reads it, she'll make me diet, again.”

TSI: “Ted. Wyatt. Just a reminder, we’re on the record here. Now, let’s move on….”

 Image: @tedandwyatt via Instagram

Image: @tedandwyatt via Instagram

TED: “I didn’t get to tell you I like to play with my Ropey a lot. Mom and Dad throw it and I chase it - 30 to 50 million times around the apartment and it helps me get my 10,000 steps in for the day. The veterinarian says that’s good for me. I try to get Wyatt to do it but, well, I think it’s pretty self-explanatory.”

TSI: “Why don’t we talk about Sunday Forever. You’re both an integral part of the team. Explain what you do there.”
 

TED: “Officially, I’m Head of Quality Control. I make sure all the candles are perfect, and everything is packed out beautifully. Sometimes I spritz the tissue paper we use with Sunday Forever Coconuts perfume or throw in some extra magic.”

WYATT: “Hahahaha - you said ‘nuts.’”

TED: “No - I said ‘Coconuts.’ It’s different, Wyatt. I’m also in charge of all candles. I make sure they’re lit, blown out and I also trim all the wicks in the office and at home. It’s really important you take care of your candles.”

TSI: “Good point Ted, thank you. Wyatt, tell me about your role at Sunday Forever.”

WYATT: “I’m the Warehouse Manager.”

TSI: “And, that means?”

WYATT: “Mostly, I lay on this here couch or on that there desk and watch the warehouse.”

TSI: “Do you move, like, ever?”

WYATT: “Mmm...to go potty, to drink water and to be closer to Mom. In those three cases, yes, I move.”

TED: “Wyatt is what you’d call a - what’s correct terminology - oh, a Stage 5 Clinger!!! That’s it!”

WYATT: “Yup, yup. Used to be a Stage 4, but I got promoted. Now, I’m a Stage 5.”

TSI: “We’ve heard from a lot of readers that Sunday is ‘Skincare Sunday.’ You know the drill: a deep cleanse, exfoliation and a sheet mask. What are your beauty routines on Sundays?”

TED: “I’m delighted you asked. I have a nine point Sunday regime. First, I luxuriate in a long, warm bath. I only use Ouai Pet Shampoo because it cleanses my fur without stripping my skin of the natural oils it needs to stay hydrated and it makes my fur voluminous and silky. Next, I apply a special virgin coconut oil made especially for dogs, and cats and birds to my paw pads and nails. Then Mom gives me a blow out - Wyatt and I LOVE a good hot air blast—”

WYATT: “Down there!!! I like it down there!

TED: “Excuse Wyatt, he’s an animal. I like my blowout to be kind of messy/beachy - like I just returned from a week at a Tulum Dog Run, so after my fur is dry Mom adds a little dry shampoo that’s made for dogs.  Then she cleans my ears and I put on my kimono and eye mask and listen to Oprah’s Super Soul Sunday podcast with my Mom. Before bed, I find a quiet corner and meditate to the Buddhist howls of a group of Tibetan Lhasa Apsos I met a few years ago during an ‘Eat, Pray, Love’ phase I went through. Then it’s off to bed - ready for another week.”

TSI: “Wyatt - is your routine similar?”

WYATT: “Sorta. I don’t take a bath ‘cause I lick myself a LOT. But, once in awhile, I need to relax and bathe with water so I’ll grab my Soap-on-a-rope and my rubber ducky and join Ted. I don’t *need* all the products Ted uses, but sometimes Mom insists and who am I to deny her the joy of spoiling me with attention?”

TED: “Excuse me, Wyatt. I don’t mean to interject but sometimes you smell like hot asphalt and melting garbage. I say it because I love you and when you know better, you do better - that’s what Oprah says!”

WYATT: “I smell like real canine. Hard-working, warehouse-overseeing, couch-sitting canine. We can’t all flit around and trim wicks or spritz tissue paper, Ted. Some of us are the WORKER DOGS! Plus Mom and Dad say I always smell like fresh baked brownies”

 Image: @tedandwyatt via Instagram

Image: @tedandwyatt via Instagram

TED: “Let’s agree to disagree….”

TSI: “The new Sunday Forever Fall Kimonos are ready! Which ones are your favorites?”

WYATT: “The Henry, because my lady friend Olivia loves it!”
TED: “They’re all equally beautiful in my eyes. And stop trying to hit on Olivia, Wyatt. It’s not happening. Ever.”

TSI: “You’re city pups. Do you love living in New York?”

TED: “I do love it but there’s the ongoing problem with wheels, specifically my fear of them. THEY ARE EVERYWHERE! On grocery carts, buses, scooters, Citibikes. I am petrified and spend a lot of time hiding behind Mom’s legs. They protect me.”

WYATT: “I love this city. Every morning I wake up to the smell of food: Halal carts, soft pretzel vendors, THE NUTS 4 NUTS CART! Why would you live anywhere else?! So many birds and squirrels to chase, so little time - that’s what I say!”

TSI: “Are birds tasty?”

WYATT: “I’ll let you know when I catch one, but I imagine so.”

TED: “They’re very high in cholesterol, Wyatt.”
WYATT: “I’m Paleo so I can handle it.”

TSI: “What’s your dream vacation destination, guys?”
WYATT: “As I barked above, I love New York and don’t ever need to leave. As long as I’m with Mom and Dad, I’m in paradise.”

TED: “Oh, I think about this a lot. Because I’m passionate about learning and development, my dream vacation would entail attending a Quality Control/Logistics/Supply Chain seminar where I could network with other Quality Control colleagues.”

WYATT: “ZZZZZZZ….oh, sorry, did Ted say something? He can be such a snooze.”

TED: “I am full of life, Wyatt, full of it!”

WYATT: “You’re full of something. It just isn’t life.”

TED: “Ashli! Ashli! Ashli! Mom! Mommy! Ma! Mother! Mama! Mum! Mummy! Mumma!

TSI: “Guys, guys! CUT IT OUT -  you are brothers and love one another! Now sniff and make up. And, when that’s done I have one last question for you.”

(Ted and Wyatt sniff one another’s nether regions. Wyatt attempts to groom Ted  but ultimately they curl up together forming a yin-yang like ball of fur and, once again, focus.)

TSI: “I’m sure you’ve heard the saying, ‘It’s a Dog’s Life,’ but what’s your personal mantra?”

TED: “Always be kind and love the people (and animals) around you.”

WYATT: “Tilt your head downwards for the camera - you don’t want a double muzzle!”

TSI: “Wow, Wyatt. Deep thoughts.”

WYATT: “You are very welcome.”

TSI: “Ted. Wyatt. Thank you so much for taking time out of your busy schedules to talk. Where can people find you, should they want to know more?
 

TED: “We’ve got an Instagram now: @tedandwyatt! Follow us!”

 
Ted and Wyatt.jpg